i am no longer almost straight upright, i am now curved, curled and it hurts to sit up. but i am happy. did not want to sell clothes today because it is raining and i don't care to lug things to the city. but i will exercise. billy and i are doing a decent job at not fighting, but when we do it is ok and i realize that doesn't have to be the end of everything.

i wonder how busy i will be today. it is a mystery. for some reason i've been avoiding working on my own. i get a certain protection from the spa, and camaraderie. although once i've established my clientele, and am working closely with them as i please, i know i will feel even more empowered. i wonder what the steps will be/ how long it will take to get there. perhaps for you, it is a matter of pushing a rock up a hill. for me it has always been the waiting, the figuring out of the process of innervation. the unfolding of awareness. i awake many times to find that i am exactly where i have been all along until one day i find that my position has stirred in my sleep and then, take it from there. for you, it is more about the effort. for me, it is about the inevitability of things to come when it's time.