ate kale and peed for hours. my edema has fled the territory. thank you god!

how am i ever going to produce offspring if i am afraid of my own thoughts. i must mother myself properly before mothering another. i have plenty of time. i imagine having children before 40. 10 years in a fine amount of time if i work it right.

i am no longer almost straight upright, i am now curved, curled and it hurts to sit up. but i am happy. did not want to sell clothes today because it is raining and i don't care to lug things to the city. but i will exercise. billy and i are doing a decent job at not fighting, but when we do it is ok and i realize that doesn't have to be the end of everything.

i wonder how busy i will be today. it is a mystery. for some reason i've been avoiding working on my own. i get a certain protection from the spa, and camaraderie. although once i've established my clientele, and am working closely with them as i please, i know i will feel even more empowered. i wonder what the steps will be/ how long it will take to get there. perhaps for you, it is a matter of pushing a rock up a hill. for me it has always been the waiting, the figuring out of the process of innervation. the unfolding of awareness. i awake many times to find that i am exactly where i have been all along until one day i find that my position has stirred in my sleep and then, take it from there. for you, it is more about the effort. for me, it is about the inevitability of things to come when it's time.

hello. while you're at it, could you bring me everything because i can't move?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 2011

hello. while you're at it, could you bring me everything because i can't move?

i am glad i can help people with this or that. directions. fetch this and that for me. listening to your problems. massaging your back when it's hurting. i realize i can only fulfill you to a point and from there it's all you. i'd follow you till the end of time but i must be mute during a course of time that accounts for a section of time during which your makers were putting you together and i hadn't yet come into your awareness. it's important to be respectful of that.

sometimes i think you are more advanced than me. especially when you wear those white pants.

but my digestion is always faster than yours, so i guess that means it's all a matter of perspective.

i am glad i gave you that idea to move the ocean we like to this side of the planet. it looks better here. it's amazing how far you've come telekinetically. i am so proud.

we both have been through a lot and have come so far. we were so minute when we arrived, we were only half as big as ants worrying about things like surface tension and food. and now we've multiplied cities of ourselves that consolidated to form our now hulking giantess bodies. what a blessing it is to be constantly pregnant with new future possibilities! the screams of our children echo into the darkness and spark yellow moons and white stars.

i wait in the cold and outside it is the boiling seat of summer. i need gloves for this. i am waiting for you to dehydrate and rehydrate.

i saw you leave. you went out the door to the train to the city to the shrink. i am fond of your words. our story doesn't end. no stories really end.